Caregiver Stress Syndrome

Decided to put "After the Fall" on hold and tackle　
Caregiver Stress Syndrome

My background is in theater, fashion and TV.  I was used to being in different places with different sets of people several times a day and every day of the week. The job of caregiving used every skill I had ever learned.  I surmised that the only way I could keep my sanity and really be of help to the two most important people in my life was to treat this challenge as if I was producing two shows in two different cities simultaneously.

Have you heard stories of caregivers who, once their charges had passed away or gotten better, they themselves developed symptoms of cancer or other autoimmune diseases? Or of caregivers suffering from depression, anxiety, insomnia and chronic fatigue? In fact some doctors have likened the condition to post traumatic stress syndrome.

Here's my non medical theory:

We caregivers extend so much mental and physical energy on the patient, that their is little left for ourselves. We know that prolonged stress compromises the immune system. A lowered immune system leaves us open to disease. A foggy, sleep depraved brain leaves us open to accidents and poor choices. Exhaustion leaves us little energy to feed the brain or recharge the mind with the things we love like art, music, dancing, or just having tea with friends.

And then there's the guilt. No matter what I was doing for either of my charges, I always felt guilty that I was not with the other charge. Taking time for myself meant taking it away from them. And so I rarely took time. I do remember leaving my mom to fly to my husband. While in Virginia, I called mom, just to see how the nurse was working out, even though I had just seen her earlier that same day. I was halfway through the conversation when I realized that she wasn't quite sure who I was. "It's me, your daughter, Raven". She said, I have to see you to know who you are". I was back on a plane that same day. We'll deal with the financial tole later.

Then there was the day I checked my husband into the hospital in the morning, flew to New York, and checked my mother out of the hospital that evening. By then the exhaustion was so overwhelming that I had to write every moment of my days down in my book, or else I wouldn’t remember the date, the time, or even what city I was in, not to mention which group of doctors I was talking to regarding which cancer. My book and my cell phone were my lifelines.

My purse was packed for caregiver survival: Not the survival of the jungle, but the long hours in hospital waiting rooms,  and airports.

My Survival Purse:- Cell phone with extra battery and charger
- High protein snacks and water ( my Sunrider herbal foods saved my life)
- My own prescriptions (we have medical issues too, you know).
- Toiletry bag packed with travel size soap, deodorant, toothpaste, etc.for quick bird baths in hospital bathrooms while waiting for the expensive Specialist (who usually arrives for his one minute consult, just when you've finally left for the day).
- And my notebook with the names and telephone numbers divided by city, of both sets of doctors, nurses, caregivers, prescriptions, hospitals (nurse's desk), hospital rooms, hospice, housekeepers, nearby friends, family and neighbors.

The most important thing I've learned as a long term caregiver is this:  Caregivers have to take care of themselves, first. No guilt, no excuses.  Plus lots of self love and gratitude that we have the strength to take care of someone else.

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