HELP / Thank you List

The 'What can I do, how can I help!'  HELP / Thank you List

"Oh, I am so sorry to hear about your husband (mother, sister, daughter, friend ...). Is there anything I can do? Really, just let me know if there's anything you need."

As soon as you hear these words from concerned friends and family, or anything that even sounds remotely like this sentiment, whip out your Help/Thank you List.  In the beginning of my husband's illness, I was so overwhelmed just putting out the minute to minute fires of each day that come with caring for the chronically ill, permanently disabled, that I couldn't think of a thing to say when caring friends, who honestly wanted to help, would ask me this question. So I created an on going HELP list. There were some items that were always there, and others that would pop up with each new doctor visit, diagnosis, or phone call.

1.food shopping

2.laundry

3.pick up prescriptions

4.drive to Doctor's (again)

 5. take out for a drive and coffee

6. ocean drive by 

7. open mail - which quadruples with med bills, med reports, test confirmations condolence cards/letters

8. go to DMV and pick up application for Handicap sticker

 9. drop off application, pick up sticker

10. banking

11. post Office run

12. phone visit - call on phone and 'watch' sporting event (Oscars, Emmy Awards, Documentary, 60 Minutes) together - put phones on 'speaker' and visit computer help, office supply run (because make no mistake you are now running a small business, called, 'Full Time Care Giver, Inc.).

13. pick up thank you cards - your creative, artistic friends would probably love to create those thank you cards for

Now, my angels, you can just give or read the list to them and let them pick out some task that they can easily incorporate into their day, week, or month. That way you're getting some much needed help, and your friend feels great because they're doing something to help that is actually quite easy for them to do. A win-win situation, no? 

If you can't think of anything because the stress of the week has left you brain dead, check out a sample list below. Feel free to copy. This will also jump start your weary brain and you'll be amazed at how the list will grow. Now there are things that no one will want to do, but that's OK, because now with everyone doing something, there's more time for you to do those left over chores, and perhaps, can we dream, find time to take that bubble bath or give yourself that home facial.
So copy this Help/Thank you List, and feel free to add more 'stuff'.

For instance, my husband was a sports agent with clients like Andre Agassi, Vince Carter, and Zena Garrison, and had traveled to every major sporting event in the world. Each event had their own tradition. Wimbledon (tennis in London) had strawberries & cream. So one friend called, I put the phone on speaker and he and my husband both ate strawberries and cream and watched Wimbledon together. How fun!

To sum up:

1. Create, or copy, a Help/ Thank you List
2. Give the list to the helper and let them pick out a task
3. Send or give everyone a Thank you Card - preferably designed by that artist in your life
4. Use those extra 'found' minutes to pamper yourself.

And, if you can't think of anything pampering to do, go to the entry titled "Time for Self-Care" and copy that list.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!